LGBTQIA+
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual & more
GLOSSARY
The terms and definitions below are always evolving, changing and often mean different things to different people. They are provided below as a starting point for discussion and understanding. These are not universal definitions. This glossary is provided to help give others a more thorough but not entirely comprehensive understanding of the significance of these terms. You may even consider asking someone what they mean when they use a term, especially when they use it to describe their identity. Ultimately it is most important that each individual define themselves for themselves and therefore also define a term for themselves. This glossary contains terms, such as ableism and disability, that may not be considered directly related to identities of sexuality or gender.
A
ABILITY: The quality of having the means or skill to do something. Ability is not permanent, can fluctuate throughout one’s life, and is another aspect of diversity in our communities. Disabilities do not necessarily limit people unless society imposes assumptions that do not account for the variation in people’s abilities.
ABLEISM: The pervasive system of discrimination and exclusion that oppresses people who are disabled, including differences in mental, cognitive, emotional, and/or physical abilities, through attitudes, actions, or institutional policies.
AC/DC: Reference to "swinging both ways" (US).
ACE: An abbreviation of the word Asexual. See Asexual/Asexuality.
ACE OF CLUBS: A grayromantic graysexual (see Gray and Asexual);
ACE OF DIAMONDS: A demiromantic demisexual (see Demisexual and Asexual);
ACE OF HEARTS: A romantic asexual;
ACE OF SPADES: An aromantic asexual;
ACEPHOBIA: Oppression, discrimination and hatred toward those who identify as asexual. Acephobia can be present in both the LGBTQ+ and broader community. Note that “phobia”, in this case, is used to indicate an intentional act of oppression, instead of its actual meaning of “irrational fear towards something”.
ACHILLEAN: Used to describe any male-identifying person who is attracted to other male-identifying people. This broad term includes gay men, bisexuals, omnisexuals, pansexuals, romantic asexuals, and other orientations, as well as non-binary folks. Often achillean is used as a more inclusive term instead of “men who like men (MLM)” or gay men.
AFAB: Assigned Female at Birth. The terms AFAB and AMAB are used by a wide range of individuals, including those who are transgender, non-binary, or intersex. While AFAB or AMAB may be useful for describing different trans or non-binary experiences, they are generally not considered identities in and of themselves. Calling a trans man “AFAB,” for example, erases his identity as a man. Instead, use a person’s requested pronouns and self-description.
AGEISM: The pervasive system of prejudice and discrimination that marginalizes people based on their age. This can be perpetuated through stereotypes of youthfulness versus life at an older age and through oppressive policies that subordinate and exclude older folks. Ageism can impact different age groups besides older folks, such as younger people who are stereotyped as being unable to make big decisions.
AGENDER: An identity under the non-binary and trans+ umbrella. Some agender people feel that they have no gender identity, while others feel that agender is itself a gender identity. This can be similar to or overlap with the experience of being gender neutral, or having a neutral gender identity. Also see Neutrois.
ALLION/BEYONDORIENTATION: Allion or Beyondorientation is an umbrella term for all orientations that do not feel like they fit under the "normal" standards or expectations of what orientations can be. They may use concepts like space or plants to explain it, but this isn't always the case. The term is based on the concept of xenogenders. The plural of allion is allionim or allions. Allion can also be used as a suffix or prefix, for example, nebulallion, or allionsexual.
ALLISTIC: An adjective used to describe a person who is not autistic and is often used to emphasize the privilege of people who are not on the autism spectrum.
ALLOSEXISM: The pervasive system of discrimination and exclusion that oppresses asexual people built out of the assumption that everyone does and should experience sexual attraction.
ALLOSEXUAL: A sexual orientation generally characterized by feeling sexual attraction or a desire for partnered sexuality.
ALLYSHIP: The action of working to end oppression through support of, and as an advocate for, a group other than one’s own. LGBTQIA Allyship is the practice of confronting heterosexism, sexism, genderism, allosexism, and monosexism in oneself and others out of self-interest and a concern for the well being of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex and asexual people. It’s founded on the understanding that dismantling heterosexism, monosexism, trans oppression/trans misogyny/cissexism and allosexism is a social justice issue.
ALTERSEX: A slang term describing people who alter their sex, such as through hormone replacement therapy or gender-affirming surgery, who were not born intersex. This term is especially used in the case of people who do not describe their sex as male or female due to their medical transition, without appropriating intersex terminology. Considered derogatory if used to deny the validity of someone's medical transition to male or female.
AMAB: Assigned Male at Birth. The terms AFAB and AMAB are used by a wide range of individuals, including those who are transgender, non-binary, or intersex. While AFAB or AMAB may be useful for describing different trans or non-binary experiences, they are generally not considered identities in and of themselves. Calling a trans woman “AMAB,” for example, erases her identity as a woman. Instead, use a person’s requested pronouns and self-description.
AMBISEXTROUS: Euphemism for bisexual, derived from ambidextrous.
ANDROGYNE: A person with a gender that is both masculine and feminine or in between masculine and feminine. An androgynous person.
ANDROSEXUALITY: Sexual attraction towards men, masculinity, masculine gender presentation and/or male anatomy. The female counterpart is Gynosexuality.
AROACE: Both aromantic and asexual;
AROMANTIC/ARO: A romantic orientation generally characterized by not feeling romantic attraction or a desire for romance. Aromantic people can be satisfied by friendship and other non-romantic relationships. Many aromantic people also identify with a sexual orientation, such as asexual, bisexual, etc.
ARTISTE: A gay man who excels at fellatio.
ASEXUAL/ASEXUALITY/ACE: A broad spectrum of sexual orientations generally characterized by feeling varying degrees of sexual attraction or a desire for partnered sexuality. Asexuality is distinct from celibacy, which is the deliberate abstention from sexual activity, despite sexual desire. Some asexual people do have sex and do experience varying levels of sexual attraction. There are many diverse ways of being asexual. A person who does not experience sexual attraction can experience other forms of attraction such as romantic attraction, physical attraction and emotional attraction, as these are separate aspects of a person’s identity. These may or may not correlate with each other - for instance, some people are physically and romantically attracted to women. However, others might be physically attracted to all genders and only emotionally attracted to men.
ASEXY: Asexual + Sexy;
AUNTIE: An older, often effeminate and gossipy gay man.
AUTISM: A neurological variation encompassing a wide range of presentations and experiences. Common characteristics of autism include repetitive behavior and differences in social interaction, interpersonal relationships, and communication. For some people, their gender identity is significantly tied to their identity as an autistic person.
B
BATHS: Bathhouses frequented by gay men for sexual encounters (US).
BDSM: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. BDSM refers to a wide spectrum of activities and forms of interpersonal relationships. While not always overtly sexual in nature, the activities and relationships within a BDSM context are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of these practices fall outside of commonly held social norms regarding sexuality and human relationships.
BEACH BITCH: A gay man who frequents beaches and resorts for sexual encounters (US).
BEAR: A larger and often hairier man.
BEAR CHASER: A man who pursues bears.
BEAR COMMUNITY: A part of the queer community composed of queer cisgender, transgender, or gender variant men similar in physical looks and interests, most of them large, hairy, and on the masculine side of presentation. The community aims to provide spaces where one feels wanted, desired, and liked. It nourishes and values an individual’s process of making friends and learning self-care and self-love through the unity and support of the community. Bears, Cubs, Otters, Wolves, Chasers, Admirers and other wildlife comprise what has come to be known as the Brotherhood of Bears and/or the Bear community. See also: Ursula.
BEARD: A person used as a date, romantic partner, or spouse to conceal one's sexual orientation.
BEAT: An area frequented by gay men, where sexual acts occur (Australia).
BENT: Gay, as opposed to straight (UK).
BENDER: Someone who has homosexual intercourse (UK).
BICON: portmanteau of bisexual + icon. Used to refer to a bisexual celebrity.
BIGENDER: Having two genders, exhibiting characteristics of masculine and feminine roles.
BINDING: The process of reducing the appearance of breasts by wrapping or compressing the chest using various methods. Binding can be very genderaffirming for many people, however it must be done safely. Learn more about safe binding.
BIPHOBIA: Oppression, discrimination and hatred toward those who identify as bisexual, pansexual, and omnisexual. Biphobia can be present in both the LGBTQ+ and broader community. See also Monosexism. Note that “phobia”, in this case, is used to indicate an intentional act of oppression, instead of its actual meaning of “irrational fear towards something”.
BISEXUAL/BI: A person whose primary sexual and affectional orientation is toward people of the same and other genders, or towards people regardless of their gender. Some people may use bisexual and pansexual interchangeably.
BISEXUAL UNTIL GRADUATION (BUG): A young man/woman who is assumed to be temporarily experimenting with same-sex behavior, but will ultimately adopt a heterosexual identity.
BLAQ/BLAQUEER: Folks of Black/African descent and/or from the African diaspora who recognize their queerness/LGBTQIA identity as a salient identity attached to their Blackness and vice versa.
BODY IMAGE: How a person feels, acts, and thinks about their body. Attitudes about our own body and bodies in general are shaped by our communities, families, cultures, media, and our own perceptions.
BODY POLICING: Any behavior which (indirectly or directly, intentionally or unintentionally) attempts to correct or control a person's actions regarding their own physical body, frequently with regards to gender expression or size.
BOTTOM: A receptive partner in intercourse; also used as a verb for the state of receiving sexual stimulation.
BOYMODER: A transgender woman or girl who socially presents in a masculine gender role, typically in places where transgender individuals are discriminated against, or due to not being out as transgender. The equivalent for a trans guy is Girlmoder.
BREEDER: A heterosexual person, especially one with children.
BYKE: A bisexual dyke (see Dyke).
BULL: A hunky, muscular bodybuilder who weighs 200 pounds/90 kg or more.
BUSSY: Portmanteau of "boy pussy"; a male anus, in the context of anal sex. Also used to refer to a trans man's vulva.
BUTCH: A gender expression that fits societal definitions of masculinity. Usually used by queer women and trans people, particularly by lesbians. Some consider “butch” to be its own gender identity.
C
CAMPY: Exaggerated and amusing, in a way that is typically associated with gay men or femininity.
CHASER: Someone attracted to transgender people who value them for their trans status alone, rather than being attracted to them as a person.
CHICKEN: A youthful gay man.
CHICKENHAWK: A typically older man who seeks younger men.
CHUBBY CHASER: A man who seeks overweight males.
CISBIAN: A cisgender lesbian.
CISGENDER: A gender identity, or performance in a gender role, that society deems to match the person’s assigned sex at birth. The prefix cis- means "on this side of" or "not across." A term used to highlight the privilege of people who are not transgender.
CISHET: Someone who is cisgender and heterosexual and/or heteroromantic.
CISQUEER: Someone who is cisgender and queer, such as cis lesbians, cis gay men, and cis bisexuals.
CISNORMATIVITY: Attitudes and behaviors that incorrectly assume gender is binary, ignoring genders besides women and men, and that people should and will align with conventional expectations of society for gender identity and gender expression. Cisnormativity often combines with heteronormativity to create societal expectations of behavior. For example, someone assigned male at birth is expected to: 1) have a body that is considered “male” by the dominant culture; 2) identify as a boy or man; 3) act masculine and fulfill the roles associated with boys and/or men; 4) be romantically and sexually attracted to women; 5) being in a monogamous relationship with someone of the opposite assigned sex at birth. See also Heteronormativity.
CISSEXISM/GENDERISM: The pervasive system of discrimination and exclusion founded on the belief that there are, and should be, only two genders and that one’s gender or most aspects of it, are inevitably tied to assigned sex. This system oppresses people whose gender and/or gender expression falls outside of cisnormative constructs. Within cissexism, cisgender people are the dominant group and trans/gender non-conforming people are the oppressed group.
CLOCK: To recognize someone as being transgender.
CLOSETED: Keeping one's sexuality or gender identity a secret from others.
COMING OUT: Coming out is the process of voluntarily sharing one's sexual orientation and/or gender identity with others. This process is unique for each individual and there is no right or wrong way to come out. The term “coming out” has also been broadened to include other pieces of potentially stigmatized personal information. Terms also used that correlate with this action are: "Being out" which means not concealing one's sexual orientation or gender identity, and "Outing", a term used for making public the sexual orientation or gender identity of another who would prefer to keep this information secret. Not sharing one’s LGBTQ+ identity publicly is sometimes referred to as being “in the closet” or “closeted”.
COPENHAGEN CAPON: A transsexual; someone who has undergone sex reassignment surgery. The term alludes to Christine Jorgensen, a trans woman who underwent sex reassignment surgery in Copenhagen in the 1950s. A capon is a neutered rooster.
COTTAGING: Having or seeking anonymous gay sex in a public toilet, or “cottage” (UK).
CROSS DRESSER (CD): A word to describe a person who dresses, at least partially, as a member of a gender other than their assigned sex; carries no implications of sexual orientation or gender identity. Has replaced “Transvestite.”
CRUISING: Seeking a casual gay sex encounter (historically from ancient Rome).
CUB: A baby bear or large, hairy guy in his teens and 20s who is on his way to becoming a bear.
CULTURE: A learned set of values, beliefs, customs, norms, and perceptions shared by a group of people that provide a general framework for living and patterns for interpreting life.
CULTURAL HUMILITY: An approach to engagement across differences that acknowledges systems of oppression and embodies the following key practices: 1) a lifelong commitment to self-evaluation and self-critique; 2) a desire to fix power imbalances where none ought to exist; 3) aspiring to develop partnerships with people and groups who advocate for others on a systemic level.
D
DADDY: A typically older gay man.
DEADNAME/DEADNAMING: A deadname is a name that a trans+/nonbinary person no longer uses. Usually it is the name assigned at birth. When someone uses this name, whether intentionally or not, it is referred to as deadnaming. Deadnaming is considered offensive and hurtful. See also Lived Name.
DEMISEXUAL: Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity. Demisexuals are considered to be on the asexual spectrum.
DIAMORIC: Attractions experienced by non-binary individuals that cannot be described as "same gender" or "other gender", "straight" or "gay". As an identity word for non-binary people, it can be used to describe their sexual or romantic orientations, rather than being a specific orientation term of its own, or used to describe their relationships. Some non-binary people use it to emphasize their own gender identity and their attractions or relationships with other non-binary people.
DISABILITY: A social construct that identifies any restriction or lack of ability to perform an activity in the manner or within the range considered “typical” for a human being, given environments that are constructed for and by the dominant or “typical” person.
DISCRIMINATION: Inequitable actions carried out by members of a dominant group or its representatives against members of a marginalized or minoritized group.
DOWN-LOW: Homosexual or bisexual activity, kept secret, by men who have sex with men (US).
DRAG: The theatrical performance of one or multiple genders via dressing in the clothing of a different gender, or in a manner different from how one would usually dress. Drag queens perform in distinctly feminine attire. Drag kings perform in distinctly masculine attire. Drag is a form of gender expression and is not an indication of gender identity. Individuals who dress in drag may or may not consider themselves to be transgender. They may identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, straight or some other sexual orientation.
DRAG KING: Women performing Drag in distinctly masculine attire.
DRAG QUEEN: Men performing Drag in distinctly feminine attire.
DYKE: A lesbian or queer woman. Some members of the LGBTQ+ community have reclaimed this term, but it is still considered offensive to many. Only people who self-identify as a dyke should use this term.
DYKON: Portmanteau of dyke + icon. A celebrity woman who is seen as an icon by lesbians (may or may not be a lesbian herself).
DYSPHORIA: See “Gender Dysphoria”.
E
EGG: A slang term used for transgender people before their coming out (the realization that one is trans or the coming out are referred to as one's "egg cracking"). There a few variations on the significance of this term, like: 1) a transgender person who has not yet realized they are trans; 2) used by transgender people when aspects of one's personality or behavior remind them of gender-related aspects of themselves before they realized they were trans; 3) it may also be used to refer to someone who is questioning their gender but later expresses themself to be cisgender (this seems to be of less common use); 4) it refers to someone's past self, before they would describe themself as transgender; 5) someone believed to be trans, but not open, regardless of whether they say they are at the time (this is a risky social move, as, that someone could later still describe themself as cis, be in the closet, or have a non-binary identity that is neither considered necessarily cis nor trans to them, or the label of "trans" is not to their liking or has too many connotations attached to it they dislike).
ENBIAN, NBLNB or NLN: A term for attraction and relationship between non-binary people (non-binary who likes non-binary).
ENBY: A slang term used for non-binary. Enby is the phonetic pronunciation of “NB,” an abbreviation for non-binary.
EN FEMME, EN HOMME: The act of wearing clothes stereotypically of the opposite sex (see Cross Dresser).
ETHNICITY: A social construct that divides people into smaller social groups based on characteristics such as shared sense of group membership, values, behavioral patterns, language, political and economic interests, history and ancestral geographical base.
EUPHORIA: See “Gender Euphoria”.
F
FAGGOT/FAG: Slur against gay men.
FAG HAG: A heterosexual woman who specifically associates with gay men.
FAG STAG: Heterosexual man who enjoys company of gay men.
FEMBOY: A feminine or androgynous male.
FEMME: Historically used in the lesbian community to refer to a feminine lesbian, it is being increasingly used by other LGBTQIA people to describe gender expressions that reclaim and disrupt traditional constructs of femininity.
FETISHISM: Sexual fetishism is a sexual fixation on an object or a body part. The object of interest is called the fetish; the person who has a fetish is a fetishist. A sexual fetish may be regarded as a mental disorder if it causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life. Sexual arousal from a particular body part can be further classified as partialism. While medical definitions restrict the term sexual fetishism to objects or body parts, fetish can, in common discourse, also refer to sexual interest in specific activities, peoples, types of people, substances, or situations. In common parlance, the word fetish is used to refer to any sexually arousing stimuli, not all of which meet the medical criteria for fetishism. This broader usage of fetish covers parts or features of the body (including obesity and body modifications), objects, situations and activities (such as smoking or BDSM). Paraphilias have been described as fetishes.
FLOWER: A typically effeminate gay man.
FRIEND OF DOROTHY: A gay person. Historically used as a shibboleth to identify other LGBTQ people. Likely a reference to Judy Garland, who portrayed Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz (1939) and had a large gay fan-base.
FTM: Female to Male. Generally used to refer to anyone assigned female at birth whose affirmed gender identity or expression is masculine all or part of the time. Some people prefer the term ‘transitioning to male’ (or ‘male,’ ‘man’ or ‘trans man’), as this does not use misgendering language. This term is not used as often in the 2020s, but may be important in certain (e.g., medical) contexts.
FURRY: An enthusiast for animal characters with human characteristics, in particular a person who dresses up in costume as such a character or uses one as an avatar online.
FUTANARI/FUTA ("to be of two kinds", lit. "dual form"): Japanese word for hermaphroditism, which is also used in a broader sense for androgyny. The term is also heavily associated with a genre of hentai defined by sexualization of characters simultaneously possessing breasts, a penis and a vulva, and has gained a negative meaning for the sexual connotations.
G
GAY: A sexual and affectional orientation toward people of the same gender. See Homosexual/Homosexuality.
GAYDAR: The supposed ability to detect someone's sexual orientation (from gay + radar). Corresponding terms include lesdar, bidar, transdar, and queerdar. Bidar is also called Bi-Fi, a jocular pun on Wi-Fi.
GAYMER: An LGBTQIA+ person who plays video games (from gay + gamer).
GAYSIAN: A gay Asian person.
GAY UNTIL GRADUATION (GUG): A young man who is assumed to be temporarily experimenting with same-sex behavior, but will ultimately adopt a heterosexual identity.
GENDER: A social construct used to classify a person as a man, woman, or some other identity. Fundamentally different from the sex one is assigned at birth.
GENDER AFFIRMING: A broad term encompassing actions, language, medical care, and more, that affirms someone’s gender identity or expression. For example, surgery that alters someone’s appearance to align with their gender identity is referred to as gender-affirming surgery.
GENDER DYSPHORIA: Used to describe when a person experiences discomfort or distress because there is a mismatch between their sex assigned at birth and their gender identity. This is also the clinical diagnosis for someone who doesn’t feel comfortable with the sex they were assigned at birth.
GENDER EUPHORIA: A euphoric feeling often experienced when one’s gender is recognized and respected by others, when one’s body aligns with one’s gender, or when one expresses themselves in accordance with their gender. Focusing on gender euphoria instead of gender dysphoria shifts focus towards the positive aspects of being transgender or gender expansive.
GENDER EXPANSIVE: An umbrella term used for individuals who broaden their own culture’s commonly held definitions of gender, including expectations for its expression, identities, roles, and/or other perceived gender norms. Gender expansive individuals include those who identify as transgender, as well as anyone else whose gender in some way is seen to be broadening the surrounding society’s notion of gender.
GENDER EXPRESSION: How one expresses oneself, in terms of dress, presentation of secondary sex characteristics (i.e., breasts, body hair, voice), and/or behaviors. Society, and people that make up society characterize these expressions as "masculine,” “feminine,” or “androgynous.” Individuals may embody their gender in a multitude of ways and have terms beyond these to name their gender expression(s).
GENDER FLUID/GENDERFLUID: A person whose gender identification and presentation shifts, whether within or outside of societal, gender-based expectations. Being fluid in motion between two or more genders.
GENDER IDENTITY: A sense of one’s self as trans, gender queer, woman, man, or some other identity, which may or may not correspond with the sex and gender one is assigned at birth.
GENDERISM/CISSEXISM: The belief that there are, and should be, only two genders and that one’s gender or most aspects of it, are inevitably tied to assigned sex. In a genderist/cissexist construct, cisgender people are the dominant/agent group and trans/gender non-conforming people are the oppressed/target group.
GENDER NEUTRAL: Refers to anything that is not gendered. For example, gender neutral language does not use binary male or female words, and gender neutral restrooms are available to be used by anyone of any gender identity or expression.
GENDER NON CONFORMING (GNC): Adjective for people who do not subscribe to societal expectations of typical gender expressions or roles. The term is more commonly used to refer to gender expression (how one behaves, acts, and presents themselves to others) as opposed to gender identity (one’s internal sense of self).
GENDER OUTLAW: A person who refuses to be defined by conventional definitions of male and female.
GENDER QUEER: A person whose gender identity and/or gender expression falls outside of the dominant societal norm for their assigned sex, is beyond genders, or is some combination of genders.
GENDER UNICORN: A commonly used model to explain various aspects of one’s identity, including assigned sex at birth, gender identity, gender expression, physical attraction, and romantic attraction. The Gender Unicorn illustrates how, with the exception of assigned sex at birth, these different aspects of identity exist on spectrums. The Gender Unicorn is available at transstudent.org/gender
*The popular Genderbread Person was plagiarized from the Gender Unicorn. Both models are not comprehensive representations of identities since these are complex topics.
GENDER VARIANT: A person who varies from the expected characteristics of the assigned gender.
GILLETTE BLADE: A 1950s era term for bisexual women, whose sexuality "cuts both ways".
GIRLDICK: A transfeminine person's penis, especially one changed by hormone use. Also known as gick, girlcock, or gock.
GIRLFAG: A woman attracted to gay/bisexual men, also may refer to some gay men or non-binary people.
GIRLMODER: A trans guy who socially presents in a feminine gender role, typically in places where transgender individuals are discriminated against, or due to not being out as transgender. The equivalent for a trans girl is Boymoder.
GOLD STAR: A homosexual who has never had heterosexual sexual intercourse.
GYNOSEXUALITY: Sexual attraction towards women, femininity, feminine gender presentation and/or female anatomy. The male counterpart is Androsexuality.
GRAY: Also known as Gray-A or Gray-Ace/Aro. This is an umbrella term which describes people who experience attraction occasionally, rarely, or only under certain conditions. Includes the identities Graysexual and Grayromantic.
GUYDYKE/LESBOY: A man attracted to lesbian/bisexual women, also may be used to refer to a non-binary person.
H
HENTAI: Noting or pertaining to a subgenre of Japanese manga, anime, computer games, etc., characterized by explicit sexual themes and imagery. Hentai is a Japanese word that in this case means "abnormality", "abnormal", or "pervert", but also, in another context, "metamorphosis". In Japan it is used mainly with the meaning of "sexually perverse" and has a very negative connotation, as it indicates forms of "sexual perversion".
HERMAPHRODITE: An organism having both male and female sex organs or other sexual characteristics, either abnormally or as the natural condition. It is now considered outdated and derogatory (see Intersex).
HERMIE: Short for “hermaphrodite”. An androgynous or intersex person, though the term is often considered a slur.
HETERONORMATIVITY: Attitudes and behaviors that incorrectly assume everyone is straight, or that being heterosexual is “normal”. Heteronormativity also assumes people should and will align with conventional expectations of society for sexual and romantic attraction. Heteronormativity often combines with cisnormativity to create societal expectations of behavior. For example, someone assigned female at birth is expected to: 1) have a body that is considered “female” by the dominant culture; 2) identify as a girl or woman; 3) act feminine and fulfill the roles associated with girls and/or women; 4) be romantically and sexually attracted to men; 5) being in a monogamous relationship with someone of the opposite assigned sex at birth. See also Cisnormativity.
HETEROSEXISM: The assumption that all people are or should be heterosexual. Heterosexism excludes the needs, concerns, and life experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer people, while it gives advantages to heterosexual people. It is often a subtle form of oppression, which reinforces realities of silence and erasure.
HETEROSEXUALITY: A sexual orientation in which a person feels physically attracted to people of a gender other than their own. See also Straight.
HIJRA: In the Indian subcontinent, hijra are transgender, intersex, or eunuch people who live in communities that follow a kinship system known as the guru-chela system. They are also known as aravani and aruvani, and in Pakistan, khawaja sira.
HOMOPHOBIA: Oppression, discrimination, and hatred directed toward members of the LGBTQ+ community. See also Heterosexism. Note that “phobia”, in this case, is used to indicate an intentional act of oppression, instead of its actual meaning of “irrational fear towards something”.
HOMOSEXUAL/HOMOSEXUALITY: An outdated term to describe a sexual orientation in which a person feels physically and emotionally attracted to people of the same gender. Historically, it was a term used to pathologize gay and lesbian people.
HYPERFEMININITY: A term used to describe exaggerated feminine qualities, behaviors and roles stereotypically associated with girls and women. Hyperfemininity is sometimes expected of transgender women in order to be seen as “real” women.
HYPERMASCULINITY: A term used to describe exaggerated masculine qualities, behaviors and roles stereotypically associated with boys and men. Hypermasculinity is sometimes expected of transgender men in order to be seen as “real” men.
I
INDIVIDUAL LEVEL: A person’s beliefs or behaviors that consciously or subconsciously work to perpetuate actions and attitudes of oppression. See also Internalized Oppression.
INSTITUTIONAL LEVEL: Institutions such as family, government, industry, education, and religion have policies and procedures that can promote systems of oppression.
INTERNALIZED OPPRESSION: The fear and self-hate of one or more of a person’s own identities that occurs for many individuals who have learned negative ideas about their identities throughout their life. One form of internalized oppression is the acceptance of the myths and stereotypes applied to the oppressed group.
INTERSECTIONALITY: A term coined by law professor Kimberlé Crenshaw in the 1980s to describe the way that multiple systems of oppression interact in the lives of those with multiple marginalized identities. Intersectionality looks at the relationships between multiple marginalized identities and allows us to analyze social problems more fully, shape more effective interventions, and promote more inclusive advocacy amongst communities.
INTERSEX: An umbrella term to describe a wide range of natural body variations that do not fit neatly into conventional definitions of male or female. Intersex variations may include, but are not limited to, variations in chromosome compositions, hormone concentrations, and external and internal characteristics. Many visibly intersex people are mutilated in infancy and early childhood by doctors to make their sex characteristics conform to society’s idea of what normal bodies should look like. Intersex people are relatively common, although society's denial of their existence has allowed very little room for intersex issues to be discussed publicly. Hermaphrodite is an outdated and offensive term that has been used to describe intersex people in the past.
INTERSEXPHOBIA/INTERPHOBIA: Oppression, discrimination and hatred toward intersex people. Intersex-phobia can be present in both the LGBTQ+ and broader community. Note that “phobia”, in this case, is used to indicate an intentional act of oppression, instead of its actual meaning of “irrational fear towards something”.
K
KINK: (Kinky, Kinkiness) Most commonly referred to as unconventional sexual practices, from which people derive varying forms of pleasure and consensually play out various forms of desires, fantasies, and scenes. Kink includes BDSM, leather, wax play, etc.
KINSEY SCALE: The scale developed by Alfred Kinsey in the 1940s, which was used for measuring sexual attraction and behavior along a continuum. Instead of assigning people to two categories heterosexual and homosexual — —Kinsey used a spectrum ranging from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual). The scale is an early recognition of varying sexual attractions and behaviors and is credited with challenging the heterosexual/homosexual binary.
KITTEN: A woman who exhibits a sexually provocative lifestyle or an abundant sexual aggression.
L
LADY BOY: English translation of kathoey, similar or equivalent to transgender woman, but may refer to feminine gay men or intersex people.
LATINE: In response to the difficulty that Spanish speaking people have with using Latinx, “Latine” was created. Latine can be conjugated and pronounced with more ease. Both Latine and Latinx are still used, though most folks lean towards using Latine. Latine is a non-gender specific way of referring to people of Latin American descent. The term Latine, unlike terms such as Latino/a, does not assume a gender binary and includes non-binary folks.
LEATHER COMMUNITY: A community which encompasses those who enjoy leather, often as part of sexual activities, including leather uniforms or cowboy outfits. The leather community related to similar fetish-based communities such as sadomasochism, bondage and domination, and rubber. Although the leather community is often associated with the queer community, it is not a "gay-only" community.
LESBIAN: Usually, someone who identifies as a woman, whose primary sexual and affectional orientation is toward people of the same gender. However, some non-binary people also identify as lesbians, often because they have some connection to womanhood and are primarily attracted to women.
LESBIAN UNTIL GRADUATION (LUG): A young woman who is assumed to be temporarily experimenting with same-sex behavior, but will ultimately adopt a heterosexual identity.
LESBOY/GUYDYKE: A man attracted to lesbian/bisexual women, also may be used to refer to a non-binary person.
LGBTQIA+: Abbreviation for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual. The additional “+” stands for all of the other identities not encompassed in the short acronym. An umbrella term that is often used to refer to the community as a whole.
LIVED NAME: A name (often a first name) that someone uses that differs from their legal name. There are many reasons someone may have a lived name that differs from their legal name. Some trans and nonbinary people may use a lived name to affirm their gender identity. “Preferred name” has also been used, however it has been largely replaced by lived name. “Preferred name” suggests that using someone’s lived name is optional, which can lead to deadnaming. See Deadname/ deadnaming.
M
MASCULINE OF CENTER (MOC): A term coined by B. Cole of the Brown Boi Project to describe folks, including lesbian/queer womyn and trans folks, who lean towards the masculine side of the gender spectrum. These can include a wide range of identities such as butch, stud, aggressive/AG, dom, macha, tomboi, transmasculine, etc.
MICROAGGRESSIONS: Brief and subtle behaviors, whether intentional or not, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative messages about commonly oppressed identities. These actions cause harm through the invalidation of the oppressed person’s identity and may reinforce stereotypes. Examples of microaggressions include a person who is not white being told they speak “good English” or someone saying something is “gay” to mean they think something is bad.
MISGENDERING: Attributing a gender to someone that is incorrect/does not align with their gender identity. Can occur when using pronouns, gendered language (i.e. “Hello ladies!” “Hey guys”), or assigning genders to people without knowing how they identify (i.e. “Well, since we’re all women in this room, we understand…”).
MLM: An abbreviation for men who love men, which includes gay men, as well as men who are attracted to men and people of other genders.
MOLLY: In 18th century England, the term "molly" was used for male homosexuals, implying effeminacy.
MONOGAMY: Having only one intimate partner at any one time; also known as serial monogamy.
MONOSEXISM: The belief in and systematic privileging of monosexuality as superior, and the systematic oppression of non-monosexuality.
MONOSEXUAL: People who have romantic, sexual, or affectional desire for one gender only. Identifying as straight or gay are the most well-known forms of monosexuality.
MSM: An abbreviation for men who have sex with men; they may or may not identify as gay.
MTF: Male to Female. Generally used to refer to anyone assigned male at birth whose affirmed gender identity or expression is feminine all or part of the time. Some people prefer the term ‘transitioning to female’ (or ‘female,’ ‘woman,’ ‘femme,’ or ‘trans woman’), as this does not use misgendering language. This term is not used as often in the 2020s, but may be important in certain (e.g. medical) contexts.
MULTISEXUAL: An umbrella term to describe attraction to more than one gender. It can include sexual attractions like bisexual, polysexual, omnisexual, and others. The aforementioned terms are used by some interchangeably and for others the subtle differences among them are important.
N
NEOPRONOUNS: Gender neutral pronouns such as ze/zir or ey/em that are used instead of more traditional ones such as they/them. Learn more about pronouns further down below.
NEURODIVERSITY: Neurodiversity refers to the natural and important variations in how human minds think. These differences can include autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, dyspraxia, dyslexia, dyscalculia, Tourette Syndrome, and others. Like other variable human traits like race, gender, sexuality, or culture, there is no right or wrong form of diversity. The social dynamics that exert power over other forms of diversity also impact neurodivergent people. Neurodiversity is not something to be cured or corrected to fit some social norm - rather, we should celebrate different forms of communication and self-expression and promote support systems to allow neurodivergent people to thrive.
NEURODIVERGENT: Neurodivergent, sometimes abbreviated as ND, means having a brain that functions in ways that diverge significantly from the dominant societal standards of ‘normal.’ A person whose neurocognitive functioning diverges from dominant societal norms in multiple ways – for instance, a person who is Autistic, has dyslexia, and has epilepsy – can be described as multiply neurodivergent. The terms neurodivergent and neurodivergence were coined by Kassiane Asasumasu, a multiply neurodivergent neurodiversity activist.
NEUROTYPICAL: Neurotypical, often abbreviated as NT, means having a style of neurocognitive functioning that falls within the dominant societal standards of ‘normal.’ Neurotypical can be used as either an adjective (‘He’s neurotypical’) or a noun (‘He’s a neurotypical’).
NEUTROIS: A non-binary gender identity that falls under the genderqueer or transgender umbrellas. There is no one definition of Neutrois, since each person that self-identifies as such experiences their gender differently. The most common ones are: Neutral-gender, Null-gender, Neither male nor female, Genderless and/or Agender.
NON BINARY/NONBINARY/NON-BINARY: A gender identity and experience that embraces a full universe of expressions and ways of being that resonate for an individual, moving beyond the male/female gender binary. It may be an active resistance to binary gender expectations and/or an intentional creation of new unbounded ideas of self within the world. For some people who identify as non binary there may be overlap with other concepts and identities like gender expansive and gender non-conforming.
O
OMNIGENDER: Possessing all genders. The term is used specifically to refute the concept of only two genders.
OPPRESSION: Exists when one social group, whether knowingly or unconsciously, exploits another social group for its own benefit.
ORIENTATION: Orientation is one’s attraction or non-attraction to other people. An individual’s orientation can be fluid and people use a variety of labels to describe their orientation. Some, but not all, types of attraction or orientation include: romantic, sexual, sensual, aesthetic, intellectual and platonic.
OTTER: A man who is slender and hairy (Hairy Otter).
P
PARAPHILIA: An experience of recurring or intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, places, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals. It has also been defined as a sexual interest in anything other than a legally consenting human partner. Paraphilias are contrasted with normophilic ("normal") sexual interests, although the definition of what makes a sexual interest normal or atypical remains controversial.
PACKING: The act of wearing padding or a phallic object to present the appearance of a penis.
PANGENDER, POLYGENDER: There are various definitions of this term. Some of them are: 1) exhibiting characteristics of multiple genders, deliberately refuting the concept of only two genders; 2) individuals who identify with multiple (or all) genders (within their culture & life experiences), sometimes experiencing all these identities simultaneously, sometimes alternating them; 3) individuals whose gender identity and/or gender expression is numerous, either fixed (many at once) or fluid; 4) one identifies as both binary genders and all known and unknown genders within their own culture and life experience; 5) one's gender is very expansive and unspecific, meaning that there are countless genders with no maximum limit. It may be described as being an infinite spectrum.
PANSEXUAL (Pan), OMNISEXUAL (Omni): Terms used to describe people who have romantic, sexual or affectional desire for people of all genders and sexes. Has some overlap with bisexuality and polysexuality (not to be confused with polyamory).
PASSING: When a trans individual is perceived as, or “passes” as, a cisgender man or woman. Passing is often thought of as a form of privilege, and the concept can also put unrealistic or unwanted expectations on trans/non-binary folks to confirm to cisnormativity. Passing can also refer to gay/lesbian/queer people being regarded as straight. Historically, passing was often necessary as a form of safety for LGBTQ+ individuals.
PHOBIA: In mental and emotional wellness, a phobia is a marked and persistent fear that is excessive in proportion to the actual threat or danger the situation presents. Historically, this term has been used inaccurately to refer to systems of oppression (i.e. homophobia has been used to refer to heterosexism).
PIG: Someone who is more focused on sex than anything else, often into kinkier and somewhat seedier sexual practices.
POLYAMORY/POLY: Denotes consensually being in/open to multiple loving relationships at the same time. Some polyamorists (polyamorous people) consider “polyam” to be a relationship orientation. Sometimes used as an umbrella term for all forms of ethical, consensual, and loving non-monogamy.
POLYCULE: Describes a connected network of people and relationships, all of whom are in some way involved emotionally, sexually, or romantically with at least one other person within the polycule. Each polycule, or part within it, can have its own structures, boundaries, and connections.
POLYSEXUAL: People who have romantic, sexual, or affectional desire for more than one gender. Not to be confused with polyamory (above). Has some overlap with bisexuality and pansexuality.
POMOSEXUALITY: Defined as refusing, avoiding, or not fitting any sexual orientation label in terms of conventional labels or classifications, such as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or labels on the asexual or aromantic spectrums. It challenges categorizations in favor of largely unmapped possibility and the intense charge that comes with transgression. Some pomosexual people may be queer or questioning, and others may not be. The romantic equivalent of pomosexual is called pomoromantic.
POSITIVE: Shortened term for HIV positive. For example, stating “I’m positive” is a way to voluntarily disclose one’s HIV status.
POWER BOTTOM: Someone who dominantly or energetically plays the receptive role in intercourse.
PRIVILEGE: a set of unearned benefits given to people who fit into a specific social group. The concept has roots in WEB DuBois’ work on “psychological wage” and white people’s feelings of superiority over Black people.
PRONOUNS: Linguistic tools used to refer to someone in the third person. Examples are they/them/theirs, ze/hir/hirs, she/her/hers, he/him/his. In English and some other languages, pronouns have been tied to gender and are a common area of misgendering (attributing a gender to someone that is incorrect).
PUNK (not music-related): A smaller, younger gay man who, in prison settings, is forced into a submissive role and used for the older inmate's sexual pleasure.
Q
QPOC/QTPOC/QTBIPOC: Queer People of Color; Queer Trans People of Color; Queer Trans Black Indigenous People of Color. Often used to discuss the ways in which intersectional identities can result in multifaceted systems and experiences of oppression.
QUEER: An umbrella term used to describe gender/sexual/romantic orientations or identities that fall outside of societal norms. Historically, queer has been used as an epithet/slur against the LGBTQ+ community. Some people have reclaimed the word queer and self identify in opposition to assimilation. For some, this reclamation is a celebration of not fitting into social norms. Not all people who identify as LGBTQIA use “queer” to describe themselves. For example, those of earlier generations are typically averse to self-identifying as queer. The term is often considered hateful when used by those who do not identify as LGBTQIA.
QUEER PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP (QPR)/QUEER PLATONIC PARTNERSHIP (QPP): Relationships that purposely defy relationship categories, and can mix elements from platonic, romantic, and sexual relationships. They are each unique depending on the people involved in them, but they often involve some level of commitment or intimacy. Because asexual and aromantic people tend to structure their relationships and interpersonal needs in unique ways, many of them choose to engage in relationships that are hard to define, and take comfort in Queer Platonic Relationships.
QUEEN: A flamboyant or effeminate gay man. Usually used with other terms to indicate race, sexual acts, work, others, like: 1) Butch Queen (in ball culture, a gay male who presents as a gay male; that is, neither as a trans individual nor a heteronormative male; 2) Drag Queen; 3) Bean Queen/Taco Queen/Salsa Queen (gay man attracted to Hispanic men); 4) Brownie Queen (obsolete slang for gay man interested in anal sex and used by men who disliked anal sex); 5) Chicken Queen (an older gay man interested in younger or younger appearing men); 6) Grey Queen (a gay person who works in financial services, from the grey flannel suits); 7) Potato Queen (a gay Asian man attracted mainly to white men); 8) Rice Queen (a gay man attracted mainly to East Asian men).
QUESTIONING: The process of exploring one’s own gender identity, gender expression, and/or sexual orientation. Some people may also use this term to name their identity within the LGBTQIA community.
R
RACE: A social construct that divides people into distinct groups based on characteristics such as physical appearance, ancestral heritage, cultural affiliation, cultural history, ethnic classification, based on the social, economic, and political context of a society at a given period of time.
RACISM: The systematic subordination of people from marginalized racial groups based on their physical appearance, ethnic or ancestral history, or cultural affiliation. Racism is considered a deeply pervasive, systemic issue perpetuated by members of the privileged racial group holding dominant social power over others. Discrimination, prejudice, or xenophobia may be more accurate terms for describing individual acts of oppression. While these individual acts likely stem from systemic racism, at the individual level the power dynamics that enable racism are not at play in the same way.
REPRESSOR: A person who is fighting the wish to change their gender expression.
ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Romantic Orientation is attraction or non-attraction to other people characterized by the expression or non-expression of love. Romantic orientation can be fluid and people use a variety of labels to describe their romantic orientation. See also Orientation.
S
SALMACIAN: Named after Salmacis, standing for someone who acquires, or wishes to acquire, mixed genitalia.
SAM (SPLIT ATTRACTION MODEL): A model that indicates that sexual and romantic orientation can be split, often used within the aromantic and asexual community.
SAME GENDER LOVING: a term used by some African American people who love, date, have attraction to people of the same gender.
SAPPHIC: Used to describe any female-identifying person who is attracted to other female-identifying people. This broad term includes lesbians, bisexuals, omnisexuals, pansexuals, romantic asexuals, and other orientations, as well as non-binary folks. Often sapphic is used as a more inclusive term instead of “women who like women (WLW)” or lesbian.
SCISSORING: Used to refer to lesbian intercourse, though is often derogatory.
SERVICE TOP: A submissive top, someone who applies sensation or control to a bottom, but does so at the bottom's explicit instructions.
SEX/SEX ASSIGNED AT BIRTH: A medically constructed categorization. Sex is often assigned based on the appearance of the genitalia, either in ultrasound or at birth. Sex assigned at birth is different from gender identity, and sex is not always binary, such as for Intersex individuals. See also Intersex, AFAB, and AMAB.
SEXISM: The cultural, institutional, and individual set of beliefs and practices that privilege men, subordinate women, and devalue ways of being that are associated with women.
SEXUALITY: The components of a person that include their biological sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, sexual practices, etc.
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Sexual Orientation is an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual or affectional attraction or non-attraction to other people. Sexual orientation can be fluid and people use a variety of labels to describe their sexual orientation. See also Orientation.
SHEMALE/SHE-MALE: A trans woman with male genitalia and possibly female secondary sex characteristics. Primarily a term used in pornography and often derogatory.
SIDE: A homosexual male who does not enjoy anal penetration (giving or receiving), but will engage in other forms of same-sex activity.
SILVER FOX: An older man with gray hair.
SIZEISM: The pervasive system of discrimination and exclusion that oppresses people who have bodies that society has labeled as “overweight,” as well as people of short stature. Historically, fat people’s bodies have been labeled as unhealthy, undesirable, and lazy; this fails to challenge narratives around health and healthy living. This form of oppression has been referred to as fatphobia (note that “phobia”, in this case, is used to indicate an intentional act of oppression, instead of its actual meaning of “irrational fear towards something”).
SKOLIOSEXUAL: To describe attraction to non-binary people.
SLAY: Especially in ball culture to dress or be fashionable and flawless.
SOCIAL IDENTITIES: Social identity groups are based on the physical, social, and mental characteristics of individuals. They are sometimes obvious and clear, sometimes not obvious and unclear, often self-claimed and frequently ascribed by others.
SOCIALIZATION: The process by which societal norms influence a number of aspects that frame how members of a community live, including how they might think, behave, and hold certain values. Socialization can reinforce assumptions or expectations that give power to systems of oppression.
SOCIAL JUSTICE: A goal and a process in which the distribution of resources is equitable and all members are physically and psychologically safe and secure. Begins with an acknowledgement that oppression and inequity exist and must be actively dismantled on all levels.
SOCIETAL/CULTURAL LEVEL: Community norms that perpetuate implicit and explicit values that bind institutions and individuals; social norms on what is valued, accepted, or desirable give the individual and institutional levels the justification for systemic oppression.
SOCIOECONOMIC CLASS: Social group membership based on a combination of factors including income, education level, occupation, and social status in the community, such as contacts within the community, group associations, and the community's perception of the family or individual.
SOGIE: An acronym that stands for Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Expression. Is used by some in a similar way to the umbrella acronym: LGBTQIA.
SPECTRUM: A range or sliding scale. Aspects of one's identity like sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression exist on a spectrum, or outside of it. For example, with sexual orientation, the attraction to men, women, or someone of another gender all exist on separate spectrums. Someone might feel a little attracted to men, very much attracted to women, and moderate attraction to people outside this binary. Please also see the Gender Unicorn to learn more about these aspects of identity.
*The phrase “ON THE SPECTRUM” is more commonly used to refer to identifying on the autism spectrum rather than sexuality or gender.
SQUISH: A non-romantic or platonic version of a crush.
STEALTH: Passing to the extent that most people can't tell that you are trans.
STEREOTYPE: A generalization applied to every person in a cultural group; a fixed conception of a group without allowing for individuality. When we believe our stereotypes, we tend to ignore characteristics that don’t conform to our stereotype, rationalize what we see to fit our stereotype, see those who do not conform as “exceptions,” and find ways to create the expected characteristics.
STRAIGHT: A romantic and/or sexual orientation in which a person feels attracted to people of a gender other than their own. Usually used to describe a man attracted to women and vice-versa. See also Heterosexual.
STUD: A culture-specific identity that is often defined as a black masculine lesbian. As such, it is meant to be an identity label that is exclusively used by black people. See also Butch.
SUGAR BABY: The gift recipient of a Sugar Dating relationship.
SUGAR DADDY: Typically, the providing male partner of a Sugar Dating relationship.
SUGAR DATING/SUGARING: An interpersonal relationship wherein a financially successful person dates a less financially successful person. Typically, the financially successful person is older and wealthy, while the other person is typically younger, attractive, and interested in improving their quality of life. Sugaring can be classified as a compensatory relationship whereby the recipient obtains gifts such as jewelry, luxury goods, leisure outings, vacations, fine dining, financial support, or mentorship, meanwhile offering social benefits such as companionship, affection, dating or intimacy. The gift recipient is called a Sugar Baby. The providing partner is called a Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mommy.
SUGAR MOMMY: Typically, the providing female partner of a Sugar Dating relationship.
SWITCH/VERS: A person who enjoys both topping and bottoming, or being dominant and submissive, and may alternate between the two in sexual situations, adapting to their partner.
T
TERF: Acronym for "Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist"; a feminist whose advocacy excludes or opposes the rights of trans people. It also, more infrequently, used to refer to someone hostile to transgender people.
TME or TMA/TMC: Transmisogyny-exempt or transmisogyny-affected/confined, ascribing those who are, or not, target of transphobia directed at trans women.
TOMBOY: A girl or young woman who generally expresses masculine traits.
TOMGIRL: A boy or young man who generally expresses feminine traits.
TOP: The dominant or inserting sexual partner, usually in a homosexual relation or activity.
TRADE: A straight-passing male partner, commonly used by gay men or trans women (US).
TRANNY: Slur used against transgender people.
TRANS: The term trans acts as a more inclusive term than transgender for gender non-conforming and non-binary folks.
TRANSBIAN: A transgender lesbian.
TRANSFAG: A transgender gay man.
TRANSFEMININE/TRANSFEM: A term used to describe a person, usually AMAB or Intersex, who identifies with femininity in some way. Includes Trans women, as well as other trans+ people who have a connection to femininity.
TRANSGENDER: An adjective used most often as an umbrella term and frequently abbreviated to “trans.” Identifying as transgender, or trans, means that one’s internal knowledge of gender is different from conventional or cultural expectations based on the sex that person was assigned at birth. While transgender may refer to a woman who was assigned male at birth or a man who was assigned female at birth, transgender is an umbrella term that can also describe someone who identifies as a gender other than woman or man, such as non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, no gender or multiple genders, or some other gender identity.
TRANSGENDERISM: A term used by anti-trans extremists seeking to dehumanize transgender people by saying that being transgender is an ideology rather than an identity. In the past (the mid to late 20th century), the term was used non-derogatorily to refer to being transgender, though this meaning has become obsolete.
TRANSITION: Transitioning is the process of taking steps to live as one’s true gender identity. Transitioning is different for each individual and may or may not involve medical interventions like taking hormones or having surgery. Some people may not choose to transition in certain ways for a variety of reasons. The extent of someone’s transition does not make that person’s gender identity any less or more valid. Transitioning may include socially transitioning, such as going by certain pronouns or going by the Lived Name that affirms one’s gender identity. Transitioning may involve making changes to one’s physical appearance, such as wearing certain clothing, wearing one’s hair in a different style or length, or more complex changes such as medically transitioning through hormones or surgery. Transitioning can also involve changing legal documents to match one’s authentic sense of self. Additionally, socially transitioning is when an individual begins to present themselves to the world in a way that most affirms their gender identity. This could look like sharing their lived name and gender identity in social settings.
TRANS MAN: Usually, a person assigned female at birth who identifies as a man. A person may choose to identify this way to capture their gender identity as well as their lived experience as a transgender person.
TRANSMASCULINE/TRANSMASC: A term used to describe a person, usually AFAB or Intersex, who identifies with masculinity in some way. Includes Trans men, as well as other trans+ people who have a connection to masculinity.
TRANSPHOBIA: When people have deeply rooted negative beliefs about what it means to be transgender, non-binary, and gender non conforming. Their beliefs affect the way they, the government, organizations, the media, and society generally treat people whose identities don’t fit into typical gender roles. Transphobia results in policies that take away the rights and safety of trans and nonbinary children, teens, and adults. This results in discrimination, harassment, and sometimes violence against people who are not cisgender. See also Cissexisim.
TRANS WOMAN: Usually, a person assigned male at birth who identifies as a woman. A person may choose to identify this way to capture their gender identity as well as their lived experience as a transgender person.
TRAP: Slur for someone whose perceived gender is opposite their anatomical sex, particularly a trans woman or feminine boy. Implies that others who are attracted to them (typically heterosexual men) are maliciously deceived (i.e. "trapped") regarding their "real" gender. It’s derogatory and dehumanizing.
TRYKE: Trans dyke.
TUCKING: Any attempt to hide the appearance of a penis bulge. It is often recommended to use tight clothing and not to use tape or other sticky or sharp objects due to safety concerns.
TWINK: A young or young-looking gay man (in his late teens to twenties), with little body hair and a slender build.
TWO SPIRIT: An umbrella term encompassing sexuality and gender in Indigenous Native American communities. Two Spirit people often serve integral and important roles in their communities, such as leaders and healers. It may refer to an embodiment of masculinity and femininity but this is not the only significance of the term. There are a variety of definitions and feelings about the term two spirit and this term does not resonate – for everyone. Two Spirit is a cultural term reserved for those who identify as Indigenous Native American. Although the term itself became more commonly used around 1990, two spirit people have existed for centuries.
TWUNK: A twink with well-developed physique (from twink + hunk).
U
UNICORN: A bisexual, usually a woman, who desires multiple partners and is willing to join an existing couple and sexually satisfy both members of the couple. So-named because bisexuals willing to enter such an arrangement are considered rare or non-existent, while couples seeking such a partner ("unicorn hunters") are common.
UNICORN HUNTERS: Couples seeking a Unicorn.
URSULA: Some lesbians, particularly butch dykes, also participate in Bear culture referring to themselves with the distinct label Ursula.
V
VERS/SWITCH: A person who enjoys both topping and bottoming, or being dominant and submissive, and may alternate between the two in sexual situations, adapting to their partner.
VIADO: A gay male or an effeminate man (a corrupted form of "deer", derived from desviado, meaning deviant) (Brazil).
W
WLW: Abbreviation for Women who like Women. This term can include lesbians, bisexual/pansexual/omnisexual women, as well as other identities. Some prefer the term “sapphic”, as it is more inclusive of non-binary folks. See also Sapphic.
WOLF: Similar to an otter, a wolf has some hair and is in between a twink and a bear. However, there are some key differences between wolves and otters. Wolves typically have a lean, muscular build and are sexually aggressive.
WOMXM: Some womxn spell the word with an “x” as a form of empowerment to move away from the “men” in the “traditional” spelling of women.
X
XENINE: The adjective “xenine” means "of or pertaining to xenogenders" and is the xenogender equivalent of "feminine," "masculine," etc. The noun form of “xenine” is “xenity”. The xenogender equivalent of "boy" or "girl" is “xip”, and the equivalent of man or woman is “xenan”.
XENOGENDER: Composed of the words “xeno”, meaning “alien”, “foreigner”, and “gender”, the term xenogender refers to all those people who identify with a gender that cannot be contained by the human understanding of gender, and is more interested in creating other methods of categorization and gender hierarchy such as those relating to animals, plants or other creatures/things. Xenogender characterizes a non-binary gender identity that goes beyond the traditional male/female dichotomy and involves, in the profiling of one’s being, also objects, concepts, emotions, ideas, animals, plants and abstract and/or invented entities, which therefore go beyond the “usual” method of identifying the self. In a glossary like this one, it would be almost impossible to list them all: around 3.500-4.000 xenogenders have been identified as of today!
XENOGENIC: Someone who is exclusively attracted to xenic individuals or those who identify with xenogenders.
XENOPHOBIA: The fear or dislike of anything that is perceived as being foreign or strange. Historically, it’s the dislike of or prejudice against people from other countries (see Racism). Nowadays, there may also be the possibility of being used to indicate acts of oppression and discrimination (and/or its actual meaning of “irrational fear”) towards xenogender and/or xenosexual individuals.
XENOSEXUAL: Historically used to indicate attraction towards people of other races (interracial attraction), it is now used to indicate attraction towards non-human anthropomorphic creatures. Examples include: extraterrestrials, anthropomorphic animals (humanoid animals with human or human-like intellect), robots with Artificial Intelligence, monsters and other mythical creatures (like mermaids, centaurs, demons). Some uninformed people may use this term, in the wrong way, to indicate attraction towards animals (zoophilia/bestiality), plants (paraphilia/dendrophilia) or objects (objectophilia). Some xenogender people may be attracted towards the thing they identify as, and may or may not use xenosexual to indicate that attraction (see Allion).
TRANSGENDER 101
This guide is meant for new allies to the transgender community. Folks who have recently found that they are transgender and/or exploring the possibility of being transgender can also find this page useful. This is by no means an exhaustive guide to treating trans people equitably.
Terms
Transgender: Identifying as transgender, or trans, means that one’s internal knowledge of gender is different from conventional expectations based on the sex that person was assigned at birth.
•A transgender woman is a woman (lives as a woman, identifies as a woman) and was assigned male at birth.
•A transgender man is a man (lives as a man, identifies as a man) and was assigned female at birth.
•Trans is an umbrella term that can also describe someone who identifies as a gender other than woman or man, such as non-binary, gender queer, genderfluid, or some other gender identity.
•There are many genders. These genders have always been around and have been well-documented throughout history in various cultures. Today we have a more mindful culture in our attitudes towards gender as well as better language to help describe and share these gender identities with others.
•Some people who identify as non-binary identify as trans while others do not. It is important to recognize and respect the terms someone uses to describe their own identity. A thoughtful way to ask someone to further explain their identity might be, “What does that term mean to you?” or “Can you please tell me what you mean when you say you identify as ______?”
•Someone who is cisgender is someone whose gender identity fits conventional expectations based on that person’s assigned sex at birth.
•A cisgender woman is a woman who was assigned female at birth. A cisgender man is a man who was assigned male at birth.
Transition: Transitioning is the process of taking steps to live as one’s true gender identity. Transitioning is different for each individual and may or may not involve medical interventions like taking hormones or having surgery. Transitioning could be going by the Lived Name that affirms their gender identity or going by certain pronouns that affirm their gender identity. Transitioning could involve making changes to one’s physical appearance, such as wearing certain clothing, wearing one’s hair in a different style or length, or more complex changes such as medically transitioning through hormones or surgery. Transitioning can also involve changing legal documents to match one’s authentic sense of self. A trans person’s gender identity is real regardless of their choice to transition or to what extent.
Passing: Passing refers to a transgender person’s experience of being viewed as the gender they wish to be perceived. For some, passing is important for affirming one’s gender identity. Passing can help some affirm their gender identity. Others do not find the idea of passing needed or find it negative overall. This is because they can find the idea of passing to be reinforcing stereotypes of gender and to be erasing trans visibility. (Consider the following: Why do trans people need to pass? Is there something wrong with people who are visibly/"obviously" trans?). It is important to recognize that the degree to which a person passes does not make that person’s gender identity more or less valid. A trans person’s gender identity is independent of that person’s gender expression, and everyone has a right to express their gender in a way that is authentic to them.
What is the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation?
Gender identity and sexual orientation are two separate aspects of someone’s identity.
•Gender identity refers to one’s internal knowledge of self as a man, woman, or some other identity. Identifying as transgender refers to one’s gender identity.
•Sexual orientation refers to who you’re attracted to. Sexual orientations include (but are not limited to) straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and asexual.
Transgender people identify as a gender identity that does not correlate with the gender they were assigned to at birth. For example, a transgender man identifies and lives life as a man and was assigned female at birth.
Transgender people, like anyone, can be straight, gay, lesbian, etc. since gender identity and sexual orientation are separate.
What is the difference between transgender and intersex?
Intersex is an umbrella term that describes a wide range of natural bodily variations that do not fit typical definitions of male and female bodies. These variations may include, but are not limited to, unique chromosome compositions, hormone concentrations, and external and internal biology. Being transgender means one’s internal sense of self does not correlate with the sex one was assigned at birth. Transgender people are often born with typical male or female anatomy or genes but know that their gender identity is something different than what they are born with.
Why don’t all transgender people take hormones and have surgery to be the gender they truly are?
The decision to medically transition is a personal decision that depends on a number of factors that vary for each individual. Taking hormones and having gender confirmation surgery requires a large investment of time, energy, and money, and this may simply not be a good fit for some people’s lives. Some trans folks may also feel that medically transitioning is not necessary to their gender identity or expression. For example, a trans man may feel like it is unnecessary for him to get surgery to remove his breasts, because to him a man can have breasts. Whether someone has medically transitioned or not does not make someone any less trans. Someone’s gender identity is an inherent and very real part of who they are, regardless of their desire or ability to transition through medical interventions. Trans people may also identify as a gender besides woman or man, such as non-binary, and thus may not have a desire to take hormones or have surgery to fit a binary gender such as male or female.
What is the difference between transgender and gender expansive?
Gender expansive means not fitting stereotypical gender norms. It can refer to people who do not fit traditional masculine man or feminine woman stereotypes.
The term refers to gender expression and behavior rather than gender identity.
What is gender dysphoria?
Gender dysphoria describes the feelings of distress some people experience due to a sense of incongruence between one’s assigned sex at birth and one’s gender identity. There are different varieties of dysphoria, shaped by a person’s environment and can be influenced by the perceptions and behaviors of others. Gender dysphoria can change in nature and degree with different contexts and other factors. Gender dysphoria is not the same as being transgender. Everyone experiences dysphoria differently.
Many trans folks also experience gender euphoria, which is feeling affirmed in one’s gender identity.
WHAT ARE PRONOUNS?
Pronouns are linguistic tools that we use to refer to people (i.e. they/them/theirs, she/her/hers, he/him/his). We believe that it is important to give people the opportunity to state the pronoun that is correct to use when referring to them. Pronouns are integral to who we are, and we share pronouns because we want to avoid assuming someone's pronouns based on factors like appearance. By sharing our own pronouns routinely, we encourage others to do the same and demonstrate that we understand the importance of sharing pronouns. Using someone’s correct pronouns is an important way of affirming someone’s identity and is a fundamental step in being an ally.
Common pronouns include she/her/hers, he/him/his, and they/them/theirs.
There are other non-binary pronouns. It is important to ask people what their pronouns are. If you have questions, politely ask the person if they feel comfortable giving examples of how to use those pronouns.
Examples of Pronouns:
(This is NOT an exhaustive list. Any combination is possible!)
co, co, cos, cos, coself
en, en, ens, ens, enself
ey, em, eir, eirs, emself
he, him, his, his, himself
she, her, her, hers, herself
they, them, their, theirs, themself
xie, hir ("here"), hir, hirs, hirself
yo, yo, yos, yos, yoself
ze, zir, zir, zirs, zirself
ve, vis, ver, ver, verself
per, pers, perself
Example: Ze reminded zirself to pick up zir umbrella before going outside.
How you could ask: “What pronouns do you use?”, “What pronouns would you like me to use?”
How you could share: “I’m Jade and my pronouns are ze and hir.”, “Leo, I prefer they and them, but he is fine too.”, “My pronoun is co.”
Try to avoid using the phrases “preferred pronouns” or “preferred name” as these suggest an element of flexibility or that someone’s identity is less than valid. Someone’s name and pronouns are not suggestions and are not preferred over something else. They are inherent to who we are. Keep in mind some people may use certain pronouns in some contexts and not in others due to a variety of factors, including safety. For example, a person may be openly transgender or trans at work but not at home with their family. Some people use different names and different pronouns depending on the context. It can be helpful to clarify in what situations someone uses certain pronouns.
Remember it is up to each person how and when they choose to share part of their identity with others.
Other approaches to pronouns: “ Just my name, please.”, “ No preference!”, “It’s better if you mix ‘em up!”, “No pronouns for me!”
They/them/theirs pronouns:
While we might typically think of “they/them/theirs” as a plural pronoun, we actually use they to refer to an individual all the time without realizing it. When we refer to a person whose gender we do not know, we might use they as the pronoun.
“I got a call from the doctor today.” “What did they say?” (In this example, “they” is used as a pronoun to refer to an individual.)
Ways to make language more inclusive:
“Hey, everyone” or "How are all y'all doing?" in a group setting instead of “Hey guys!” or “Hey ladies!" or "How are you guys doing?"
“They are a first year” when referring to a scholar instead of “they are a freshman”
Notice when someone refers to another person by their occupation if you naturally use a particular pronoun. (i.e. Person A: “I just got back from the doctor’s office.” Person B: “What did he say?”)
Make a habit of introducing yourself with your pronouns, not just in LGBTQIA specific situations. This makes sharing pronouns routine, instead of singling out certain people or communities.
“Hi, my name is Hanna and my pronouns are she/her/hers.”
At the start of work meetings, make it a habit to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves and their pronouns if they feel comfortable. One can emphasize that sharing pronouns is an important part of respecting each person’s identity and is part of creating an inclusive space.
Adding pronouns to your email signature and business cards are an important way to show you understand the importance of pronouns. Here are some examples:
Dan Alvarez, They/Them/Theirs, Administrator
Kay Miyazaki, Pronouns: She/Her/Hers, Office Manager
Why can’t I just assume someone’s pronouns by looking at them?
By assuming someone’s pronouns based on how they look, one is implicitly reinforcing harmful stereotypes about gender expression. For example, that masculine-looking people always use he/him/his pronouns. This is not always the case, and it is important to understand and respect each individual’s identity. This is why we want to ask, not assume, someone’s pronouns and make a habit of introducing ourselves with our pronouns.
What if I make a mistake and use the wrong pronouns?
While we want to do our best to use someone’s correct pronouns, mistakes can happen. If this does happen, it is best to apologize, say what pronoun you meant to use, and move on without dwelling on the mistake.
If someone apologizes profusely, it brings attention to an already awkward situation. Overly apologizing then puts the other person (the person who was just misgendered) in an uncomfortable position. Some people in this position might feel pressured to say, “It’s ok” even though it’s not - using the wrong pronouns can be incredibly harmful. If a mistake happens, apologize, correct yourself, and move on.
“She- I’m sorry, I meant to say ‘He got the files from the office.’”
EXPANDING YOUR ALLYSHIP
Trans Allyship
1.Recognize the diversity of trans & gender queer lives. Remember that these identities are part of other identities, and intersect with race, class, size , age, sexuality, immigration status, etc.
2.Always use the pronouns & name people want you to use. If you’re unsure, ASK! If you make a mistake, correct yourself without being dismissive of its importance, without making excuses, & without making it a huge deal/over-apologizing/drawing attention to you. Politely (& subtly, if possible) correct others if they use the wrong pronoun. It helps to be explicit rather than hoping they pick it up.
3.Ask when & where it’s safe to use their chosen name & pronouns (e.g., if a trans person is not out at home, ask them how you should refer to them around their family, etc).
4.Don’t ask trans people what their “real” name is (i.e., the one they were born with). This is invasive and implies their chosen name is invalid and less “real.” If you know their birth name, do not divulge it to others.
5.Instead of saying someone was born a boy (or a girl), try saying they were assigned male at birth (or were assigned female). These terms recognize the difference between sex & gender, and emphasize the ways in which sex & gender are assigned to individuals at birth, rather than being innate, binary or immutable qualities. AND… you can ask yourself if it is necessary to even mention what sex someone was assigned at birth.
6.Don’t confuse gender with sexual orientation. Trans people, like cisgender people, are straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, etc.
7.Don’t ask trans people about their bodies, how they have sex, what their genitals are like, etc. It’s rude & objectifying & none of your business. It can be helpful to think about whether you would ask these questions of a cisgender person.
8.Don’t ask about surgery or hormone status; don’t ask “when are you going to have the surgery?” or “are you on hormones?” Like cisgender people, our medical histories & bodies can be intensely personal & private. If trans people want to share these details with you, allow them to do so on their own terms.
9.Don’t assume the only way to transition is through hormones/surgery, & understand that medical transition is very often based on economic status. Recognize the classism inherent in associating medical transition with “authentic” trans identities.
10.Don’t assume all trans people want hormones and/or surgery, or to transition at all.
11.Don’t assume all trans people feel “trapped in the wrong body.” This is an oversimplification and not the way (all) trans people feel.
12.Don’t assume all trans people identify as “men” or “women.” Many trans people and gender queer people identify as both, neither, or something altogether different.
13.Don’t tell trans people what is appropriate to their gender (e.g., trans women should grow their hair out & wear dresses). Like cisgender people, we have varying forms of gender expression.
14.Do listen if a trans person chooses to talk to you about their gender identity.
15.Be proactive and informed about restrooms - consider where nearby gender-inclusive/all-gender restrooms are near your work, classes, etc. Be understanding and think ahead about options if a trans or gender non conforming friend is uncomfortable using a gendered bathroom, locker room, or other segregated space.
16.If your organization is holding an event, designate a gender neutral bathroom in the building.
17.Don’t ask trans people to educate you. Do your own homework & research. Understand that there is a difference between talking to individuals about their preferences/perspectives and asking someone to be your educator. Try not to view individuals as spokespeople; trans communities are diverse, not one monolithic voice or viewpoint.
18.Recognize that trans women and trans feminine people deal with sexism and misogyny in a very real way (on top of transphobia).
19.Recognize that trans women deserve access to “women-only” spaces/programs/shelters/etc.
20.If you are cisgender, recognize your privilege & prejudices as a normatively gendered person.
21.Don’t let transphobia/cissexism slide. Confront it as you would confront all other forms of oppression. Trans issues are rarely discussed & when they are it is often in a negative light.
22.Talk about trans issues/rights. Engage people in discussions & share your knowledge.
23.If you are a cisgender person, be aware of the role you can play as an ally. Remember that the way you talk about trans people (e.g., using the right pronouns) influences how others perceive us & can make a difference in whether we feel safe/comfortable.
24.Don’t out trans people. This could be dangerous to their safety. Likewise, be aware of your surroundings when discussing trans issues with a trans person. For their safety & comfort, they may prefer not to discuss these topics in public places or among strangers.
25.Above all respect and support trans people in their lives and choices.
Intersex Allyship
1.Remember that many intersex individuals prioritize discussing how to combat human rights abuses [like surgeries on intersex infants], rather than being used as examples to explore concepts in sex and gender theory.
2.Be intersex inclusive. Use LGBTI or LGBTQIA acronyms in your speech and writing at your university and organization. Consider how to be inclusive in the scope of your programming, your understanding of the variety of bodies, and the issues that you consider relevant to addressing LGBTQIA oppression.
3.Make intersex more visible. “Like” an intersex activist organization; share an article, blog post, book, documentary, movie, YouTube clip, or these ally tips; spread information via other formats such a tumblr and in-person conversations.
4.Learn about intersex from intersex people. Intersex people are the experts on our experiences and needs; contact an intersex educator for speaking engagements, if unable to meet intersex people, view documentaries, etc., featuring intersex people telling their own stories.
5.When speaking to intersex individuals:
5a.Remember that being intersex may or may not be a part of their identity.
5b.Remember it is not their duty to discuss intersex at any time, or that they will be comfortable discussing all aspects: follow their lead.
5c.Phrase questions to understand intersex broadly, not in ways that are too personal and thus invasive.
5d.Ensure questions do not serve to stigmatize or fetishize intersex individuals.
6.If intersex individuals are not comfortable discussing certain topics:
6a.They may wish to have this conversation at another time.
6b.They may wish to have this conversation, but not publicly.
6c.They may wish to have a broad/general conversation, rather than a personal one.
6d.They may not wish to have this conversation, it may be too personal or triggering.
7.Do not make the assumption that intersex is a medical condition. Some intersex folks do not use the words “condition” or “syndrome” when discussing their form of intersex. You can use language like “variations of intersex” or “intersex variations” instead of “intersex conditions.”
Asexual Allyship
1.Educate yourself and others about asexuality.
2.Speak up if you hear an asexual person being ridiculed or harassed for their orientation.
3.Explicitly include asexuality and its related identities in sexual orientation-focused groups, workshops, discussions, etc.
4.Don't automatically assume that everyone you meet is allosexual, even if they seem comfortable talking or writing about sex.
5.Respect a person's self-identity and refer to them by whatever labels (or lack thereof) they apply to themselves.
6.Don't ask highly personal questions about a person's sexual feelings or experiences, unless you are close enough to the person that you know such questions would be acceptable.
7.Don't tokenize an asexual person by expecting them to be the spokesperson for all things asexual.
8.Recognize that asexual people may have varying degrees of comfort with discussions of sex. Some asexual people may be very uncomfortable with it, others may be completely fine with it and may even enjoy flirting or making sexual jokes just for fun. If you're not sure where someone's boundaries are, ask them.
9.Correct misconceptions about asexuality if you hear someone expressing them.
10.Don't assume anything about an asexual person’s romantic orientation, or about their past or present sexual experiences (or lack thereof).
11.Cultivate a vision of sex positivity in which not wanting sex is just as valid and affirming as wanting it.
General Allyship
1.Believe that issues related to oppression are everyone’s concern, not just the concern of those who are the targets of oppression.
2.Understand that people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, or asexual are experts on their own experience, and that you have much to learn from them.
3.Take responsibility for your own education on issues related to gender identity and sexual orientation. Take the initiative to become as knowledgeable as you can on issues of concern to people who are LGBTQIA.
4.Making mistakes is part of the learning process of practicing allyship. Acknowledge and apologize for mistakes; learn from them, but do not retreat.
5.Avoid trying to convince people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning and intersex that you are on their side; just be there.
6.Remember that ally is a verb - actions are more powerful than words.
7.Create opportunities for allies to join together in coalition to reduce oppression of LGBTQIA people.